Part Three
[Entrance hall]
(A tall glowing figure in golden robes walks out of the light and the lift.)
JOSIAH: Light!
(Josiah, Mrs Pritchard and the maids flee up the stairs to the landing.)
DOCTOR: Josiah, come back! Er, how do you do? I'm the Doctor. This is my friend Ace, and I hope you slept well.
(The figure walks straight past towards the drawing room as Inspector MacKenzie comes down the stairs, then stops and turns.)
MACKENZIE: What the devil is that thing?
ACE: It's an angel, stupid.
DOCTOR: That's just it's shape here on Earth. It's called Light, and it's come to survey life here.
ACE: It was crashed out in the stone spaceship in the basement.
DOCTOR: And while it slept, the survey got out of control.
CONTROL: Control is me.
DOCTOR: And the survey is Josiah.
ACE: And now Light's come to sort out the muddle.
DOCTOR: That was my idea.
(Josiah quietly instructs a maid to use her gun.)
MACKENZIE: And who are you?
DOCTOR: I wouldn't want to confuse you.
CONTROL: Remember our agreement, Doctor. You promised Control freeness.
LIGHT: Control?
CONTROL: Now! Tell it now!
LIGHT: How long have I been asleep, and why have I naturalised in this form?
(Light sees the maid coming down the stairs with the gun pointed at him.)
DOCTOR: No, Light. Don't! (The maid falls backwards) That was unnecessary.
LIGHT: Wasteful. None of the weapons work.
DOCTOR: Josiah, withdraw with your people.
JOSIAH: Withdraw!
DOCTOR: We'll talk.
(Inspector MacKenzie makes for the front door. The bolt slides across.)
LIGHT: Nothing leaves until I have explanations.
[Drawing room]
DOCTOR: How many more times, Light? This is Earth. I mean, why don't you check the instruments in your spaceship? Where has he got to now?
(Light appears with a bright flash.)
ACE: How does Light move so fast?
DOCTOR: He travels at the speed of thought.
LIGHT: Earth. Why mention that wretched planet to me?
ACE: If you don't like it, then bog off.
LIGHT: I once spent centuries faithfully cataloguing all the species there, every organism from the smallest bacteria to the largest ichthyosaur. But no sooner had I finished than it all started changing. New species, new sub-species, evolution running amok. I had to start amending my entries. Oh, the task is endless.
DOCTOR: That's life.
LIGHT (deep) : Control.
(The doors swing open to reveal Control and Inspector MacKenzie listening at the key hole.)
LIGHT: How many more millennia must I suffer your company? Is this Earth? Well?
CONTROL: Control wants her freeness. Be a lady-like. Doctor promised.
LIGHT: It is not his to give.
ACE: Did you promise, Professor?
DOCTOR: Things ran away with themselves.
CONTROL: Control too run away. (And she does.)
DOCTOR: Light, Light, give her a break. She's not your real troublemaker.
LIGHT: You are interfering.
DOCTOR: Yes, just like you, only I didn't get caught napping. Why don't you forget the survey, Light, and go!
(Light vanishes)
ACE: Has he gone?
DOCTOR: No.
[Attic]
(Josiah, Redvers, Nimrod and Mrs Pritchard are there, and Gwendoline on the rocking horse.)
JOSIAH: Nothing will delay my plans for the Empire. With luck, Light and the Doctor will be at each other's throats before they even notice. Mrs Pritchard will organise dinner.
PRITCHARD: Very good, sir.
JOSIAH: Gwendoline, it's time for Miss Ace to leave us.
GWENDOLINE: I'm sure she'll enjoy Java, Uncle, once she gets there.
JOSIAH: Not as much as you'll enjoy sending her, my dear. (Mrs Pritchard and Gwendoline leave.) And Redvers Fenn-Cooper?
REDVERS: Redvers kicked over his traces and lost himself in the bush. Lord knows if he'll ever find his way out again.
JOSIAH: And your other quest, Redvers?
REDVERS: I can't recall. The heat haze is dazzling.
JOSIAH: I need you, Redvers. Stay out of trouble. We have a royal appointment to keep.
[Corridor]
(The insects are escaping from the specimen drawers, and chirping.)
CONTROL: Control's new world.
(She picks up a small beetle and eats it. Redvers comes round the corner and holds out a bead necklace to her.)
REDVERS: You like them? You take. Now we trade words.
[Entrance hall]
(The spaceship's computer is flashing a report on the stained glass window.)
LIGHT: No. This is not Earth. It cannot be.
(A maid enters carrying a silver soup tureen on a tray.)
LIGHT: Come here, child. I need your assistance.
(The maid kneels as Light stares at her.)
[Corridor]
(The Doctor and Ace hear a clattering sound, presumably the tureen falling to the floor.)
ACE: What was that?
DOCTOR: Just our imaginations.
ACE: No sign of Control. It's weird. It feels like this whole place is coming alive.
DOCTOR: Yes. It's the energy from Light's ship. Invigorating, isn't it?
ACE: No.
DOCTOR: What does it remind you of? All right, all right, all right. What happened here in a hundred years time is none of my business.
ACE: I thought this was a haunted house.
DOCTOR: It is.
ACE: I was only thirteen.
DOCTOR: Of course.
ACE: I got frightened, that's all.
DOCTOR: The Tardis key. You can always wait for me there.
ACE: That's the easy way out.
DOCTOR: Well, come on, then.
ACE: Doctor, have you ever had one of those nightmares where you couldn't move? Doctor (Ace hears the stuffed birds calling.) You're all dead! You're all dead! It wasn't my fault! I'm not guilty! I couldn't help it!
(Ace sinks to her knees as she hears the two tone siren of 20th century emergency services, then it goes quiet again.)
GWENDOLINE: Ace, my dear, I want you to come away. Come away with me to Java.
[Entrance hall]
(Light stoops over the body of the maid and they both disappear. Mrs Pritchard and two maids come down the stairs as Inspector MacKenzie enters, eating another sandwich.)
MACKENZIE: Ah, Lady Pritchard. I've been wanting a word with you. Perhaps we can sort this business out over a pot of tea.
(Mrs Pritchard forces MacKenzie to run up the stairs, then hands a machete to a maid.)
PRITCHARD: Dispose of that specimen immediately.
[Corridor]
(Ace gets the better of Gwendoline.)
ACE: You're a right little vicious Victorian, aren't you.
[Bedroom]
(Control is wearing a Victorian dress and trying on hats in front of a dressing table mirror.)
REDVERS: The handsomest woman Redvers ever saw was daughter to an N'Taba chief, but she had a bone through her nose and ate her cousin for breakfast.
CONTROL: Will Control be ladylike? Want so much.
REDVERS: Once this hunt is over, I'll make you the finest ladylike in the Empire.
(The Doctor enters.)
DOCTOR: Having fun, Control?
CONTROL: You! You come taking away Control's freeness.
DOCTOR: Control, I've come to help you and to ask you for your help.
CONTROL: No help. It's mine. You won't take it.
DOCTOR: No, Control, don't! (Control jumps through the window) Come back! Bah. You won't get far!
REDVERS: Of course, if she was a real lady, I wouldn't be in her boudoir.
DOCTOR: Oh, things are getting out of control. Even I can't play this many games at once.
REDVERS: Then help me. Help me with my hunt.
DOCTOR: I haven't got time, Redvers.
REDVERS: But I'm hunting the rarest creature in the world. The crowned Saxe-Coburg. Look.
(Redvers give the Doctor a picture of the widowed Queen Victoria.)
DOCTOR: Really? And who's sponsoring the expedition, Josiah Samuel Smith?
REDVERS: When I find it, I shall shoot it.
[Corridor]
(Ace is trapped between Gwendoline and a maid.)
GWENDOLINE: Come on, Ace. I don't want to hurt you. It'll, it'll be painless.
(Ace and Gwendoline struggle and fall backwards into the darkened guest bedroom. The maid stands in front of the door as the Doctor and Redvers walk round the corner.)
REDVERS: The crowned Saxe-Coburg isn't easy to discover.
DOCTOR: A good hunter always knows the signs, like a royal invitation to Buckingham Palace, perhaps. Why else do you think Josiah has kept you alive so long, Redvers?
REDVERS: Will you join my expedition, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Not yet. I've got to find Ace.
[Redver's room]
GWENDOLINE: Come here, you little brat.
(There is another figure in the dark room.)
ACE: Get off me, you! Control, help me!
(Control pushes Gwendoline down, then past Ace and out of the room. Ace follows, pushing the maid inside then locking the door)
[Drawing room]
(Nimrod discovers Light holding the severed arm of the maid.)
LIGHT: I wanted to see how it works, so I dismantled it. I need another specimen.
NIMROD: Sir, you are Light. Long ago, my people worshipped you as the Burning One.
LIGHT: I know you. I took you up as the last specimen of the extinct Neanderthal race from Earth.
NIMROD: Yes, sir.
LIGHT: At least they knew when to stop evolving. Who released you from your quarantine cubicle?
NIMROD: Mister Josiah, sir. I am in his service.
LIGHT: Look at these microbes. They're evolving even as I speak. My entire catalogue of the planet is worthless. Centuries of work wasted.
(Inspector MacKenzie enters.)
MACKENZIE: Ah. Perhaps one of you can tell me where I can find the Doctor. This place is like a madhouse.
LIGHT: We don't want things to change. We make sure that they cannot.
(Light stares at MacKenzie, whose eyes roll back into his head)
[Bedroom]
(Ace enters.)
ACE: Control?
(Control has the quilt over her head.)
CONTROL: Leave alone. Go away.
ACE: Am I still ratkin? It's all right. I didn't mean it.
CONTROL: Hate world. Hate freeness. It bites. Ran away into big empty nothing. Sky flew away to nothing. Want to hide from big open emptiness world.
ACE: It's this house. When you're a kid you smash things you hate, but what do I do if it keeps coming back?
CONTROL: World only changing for him. Now he's Josiah. Big man now, leaving Control behind. Control no ladylike.
ACE: Oh, cut the whinging, Control. You want to fight back. You've got to beat Josiah at his own game. (Gwendoline's arm smashes through the door and unlocks it.) Go on, try again. The rain in Spain falls mainly down the drain.
CONTROL: The rain-ah, in Spain-ah, falls mainly..
(Gwendoline enters.)
GWENDOLINE: There you are, Ace, my dear.
(Ace and Gwendoline struggle, and Ace falls backwards onto the bed.)
ACE: Control, help me!
CONTROL: New game play. Control go next.
(Gwendoline gets the cloth close to Ace's mouth when Redvers and the Doctor enter.)
REDVERS: The natives restless tonight.
(Redvers pulls Gwendoline off Ace and the Doctor picks up Gwendoline's locket.)
GWENDOLINE: Let me go! Let me go!
(The Doctor opens the locket and shows her the pictures inside.)
DOCTOR: Gwendoline, who does this remind you of? (It is Gwendoline and her mother, Lady Pritchard.) Severe trauma. I could forgive her arranging those little trips to Java..
REDVERS: She was hypnotised, Doctor.
DOCTOR: If she didn't enjoy them so much.
ACE: Professor, Control's got a few things to show Josiah.
(Control has improved her diction, just like Eliza Doolittle.)
CONTROL: No longer hiding.
DOCTOR: Good. Just in time for dinner.
(The Doctor offers Control his arm)
[Dining room]
(An owl hoots outside)
DOCTOR: Good evening, Josiah. (to Ace) Don't have the soup.
JOSIAH: Get that creature out of here. Get it out.
ACE: Go on, Control. Knock 'em dead.
CONTROL: Control has her freeness now, squire.
JOSIAH: What's this? Where's Gwendoline?
CONTROL: Better orf without you, guv'nor.
JOSIAH: You win this move, Doctor, but I will not suffer that creature at my table.
REDVERS: That, sir, is no way to speak in front of a ladylike.
ACE: Oi, Jungle Jim, I'm here too, you know.
CONTROL: No one hurting Control. Not in gutter now.
DOCTOR: Who was it said Earthmen never invite their ancestors round to dinner? Oh, which reminds me. Lady Pritchard, have you seen this? (The Doctor shows her the locket.) It belongs to your daughter Gwendoline. And there's a portrait of you in there, you see? Very nice likeness. You and Sir George must have been very happy before the cuckoo invaded your nest.
PRITCHARD: Gwendoline. Oh, oh, Gwendoline.
(Lady Pritchard rushes out with the locket, sobbing.)
JOSIAH: Mrs Pritchard, you're not dismissed.
REDVERS: Let her alone, sir. The lioness always protects her cubs.
(Ace is exploring the soup tureen with the ladle.)
DOCTOR: No soup, Ace.
JOSIAH: There's no way out of his for you, Doctor.
DOCTOR: I knew it was a trap as soon as I walked in to it. Unfortunately, your guest of honour seems to have let you down.
JOSIAH: Light will come.
[Attic]
(Light flies into the attic, where Nimrod is still standing quietly.)
LIGHT: It's still changing, seething. Every plain and crevice crawls with life, but I recognise the stench of its over-ripe infested carcase.
[Bedroom]
PRITCHARD: Gwendoline?
GWENDOLINE: Mama?
PRITCHARD: Oh, Gwendoline.
GWENDOLINE: Mama!
PRITCHARD: Oh, my dear. Oh, my dear. Oh, we were so happy once. Do you remember riding down to the village with your father, the dogs running behind, barking? And then he went away, to Java. You sent him.
GWENDOLINE: Mama, I thought you were lost.
PRITCHARD: Oh, I am, my dear. We both are.
GWENDOLINE: Oh, Mama, what have we done?
(Light appears.)
LIGHT: You changed. Like the rest of this verminous planet, you adapted to your situation to survive. (Nimrod enters.) Well, you'll never change again.
(Lady Pritchard and Gwendoline turn to stone.)
NIMROD: They never harmed you.
LIGHT: I've decided Earth's future. We must collect items from the ship. Follow me.
[Dining room]
DOCTOR: Josiah, tell me about your plan to assassinate Queen Victoria.
ACE: You what?
JOSIAH: Who have you been talking to?
DOCTOR: Myself, mostly. But you're not really empire material, are you? I mean, your background's a bit dodgy. And Light wouldn't be amused.
ACE: Neither will Queen Vic.
JOSIAH: The British Empire's an anarchic mess. There's no clear directive from the throne, mo discipline. Result? Confusion, wastage. I can provide a new order. Wealth, prosperity.
DOCTOR: Confusion, wastage, tyranny, burnt toast, till all the atlas is pink. (The Doctor hums 'Rule Britannia' and salutes.) But it isn't your invitation to Buckingham Palace. Redvers?
REDVERS: I am allowed to take a guest.
(Redvers walks round the table with the invitation in his hand.)
CONTROL: Control proper ladylike now. Out to dinner. Take Control meeting Queen lady.
JOSIAH: Redvers, we agreed. We hunt the crowned Saxe-Coburg together.
REDVERS: I gave up on Redvers long ago. All he ever talks about is himself. Here, Control.
(Control takes the invitation, and Redvers slaps Josiah's hand away.)
CONTROL: It's mine, or I burn it.
JOSIAH: You basest creatures. You dare to defy me? I'm a man of property!
CONTROL: Then I burn whole house up.
JOSIAH: No!
(Control holds the invitation over the fire.)
ACE: No, Control, don't do it! Please don't do it! That's what I did!
DOCTOR: In 1983? Ace, you didn't tell me that.
ACE: You're not my probation officer. You don't have to know everything.
DOCTOR: Ace.
ACE: It was the house. It was full of evil and hate left by him. So I burnt the house down. I had to.
CONTROL: It is wickedness.
JOSIAH: No!
(Control drops the invitation into the flames. Josiah tries to pick it out again but cannot.)
DOCTOR: He only wanted to take over an Empire. At least he didn't want to destroy the world.
(Light appears.)
DOCTOR: Light, I think I've solved your problem for you.
LIGHT: There's only one solution to Earth. I was going to reduce it to this.
(Light picks up a ladle full of soup.)
ACE: Oh, no.
DOCTOR: So you started with Inspector MacKenzie.
JOSIAH: The cream of Scotland Yard.
DOCTOR: Primordial soup, the most precious substance in the universe, from which all life springs.
LIGHT: Merely sugars, proteins and amino acids. But it will soon start to evolve again, so I'm going to stop the change here. All organic life will be eradicated in the firestorm. And when this world is destroyed, no more change, no more evolution, no more life. No more amendments to my catalogue.
DOCTOR: But you evolve too, Light.
LIGHT: Nonsense!
DOCTOR: Of course you do. You change, adapt, all the time. Your attitude, your place, your mind. I mean, look at you now. You're no longer your original shape. And I don't think much about your catalogue. It's full of gaps.
LIGHT: All organic life is recorded.
DOCTOR: What about the gryphons, the basilisks?
[Entrance hall]
DOCTOR: You missed the dragons, the bandersnatches. Then there are the slithy toves and the crowned Saxe-Coburg.
(Light appears. He's not as bright and golden as he first was.)
LIGHT: Where are these items?
DOCTOR: I can't think how you missed them. You have to complete the catalogue before you can destroy all life here.
LIGHT: Control?
DOCTOR: She's no use to you now. She's evolved as well.
LIGHT: No! All slipping away.
DOCTOR: All is change, all is movement. Tell me, Light, haven't you just changed your location?
LIGHT: Not yet.
DOCTOR: What's the matter, Light, changed your mind?
LIGHT: You are endlessly agitating, unceasingly mischievous. Will you never stop?
DOCTOR: I suppose I could. It would make a change.
LIGHT: Nimrod! I can rely on you. Assist me now.
NIMROD: I'm sorry, sir. My allegiance is to this planet, my birthright.
LIGHT: Argh! Everything is changing. All in flux. Nothing remains the same.
DOCTOR: Even remains change. It's this planet. It can't help itself.
LIGHT: I will not change. I'll wake up soon. No change. Dead.
(Ace, Redvers and Control come out of the dining room as Light stops.)
DOCTOR: Subject for catalogue. File under Imagination comma lack of.
NIMROD: Excuse me, sir, but Light instigated the firestorm programme sometime prior to dinner.
DOCTOR: Ah.
ACE: What does that mean?
DOCTOR: A very big explosion, very soon.
[Cellar]
ACE: How do we stop it? Same as before?
DOCTOR: Ace, don't touch that.
ACE: It'll nuke Earth.
DOCTOR: Look.
(Redvers, Control and Nimrod line up by a wall panel.)
ACE: Fine time to watch a video.
DOCTOR: How does this ship travel?
ACE: Speed of thought. It's alive.
DOCTOR: Yes. Light's gone. The ship survives, along with a new crew.
(Josiah creeps in, grabs Ace from behind and hold a revolver to her head.)
JOSIAH: Turn off the power, Doctor.
ACE: Get off, scumbag!
JOSIAH: I'll have my empire yet.
DOCTOR: Josiah, the ship doesn't want you to.
REDVERS: There's a place for you here, old chap.
CONTROL: Stop that immediately. Get back where you belong.
(The head of one of the husks explodes. Josiah lets Ace go as he collapses.)
DOCTOR: There go the rungs in his evolutionary ladder.
ACE: Go on, then. Evolve your way out of that one.
(Control slips a choke chain around Josiah's neck.)
JOSIAH: No way out now. No changing.
CONTROL: You are the most unhappy creature. I shall look after you.
ACE: They swapped over.
NIMROD: We have our work to do, sir. Entries and amendments to revise to complete the catalogue.
ACE: No nukes, then? Isn't it going to explode?
DOCTOR: Explode or fly. I mean, after all, it is a spaceship.
NIMROD: The energy will be redeployed for our departure, sir.
REDVERS: Redvers has the whole universe to explore for his catalogue. New horizons, wondrous beasts, light years from Zanzibar.
CONTROL: Doctor, something tells me you are not in our catalogue, nor will you ever be.
DOCTOR: You're busy. Must fly.
ACE: Bye, bye.
DOCTOR: Come on.
REDVERS: Bye.
(The Doctor leads Ace into the tunnel)
[Lift]
ACE: We've got to get clear for the take-off.
DOCTOR: Take off? They've gone, like a passing thought. As long as their minds don't wander.
[Entrance hall]
(Light is crackling with energy, then he disappears in a thunderclap.)
DOCTOR: He's dispersed.
ACE: For ever?
DOCTOR: The house will remember. Just the ghost of an evil memory lingering. A dark secret after the candle is out. (The Doctor starts the grandfather clock again.)
ACE: I felt it here in a hundred years time.
DOCTOR: An evil older than time itself.
ACE: So I burnt the house down.
DOCTOR: Any regrets?
ACE: Yes.
DOCTOR: Yes?
ACE: I wish I'd blown it up instead.
DOCTOR: Wicked.
